If there is one kind of festival goer we can empathise with, it’s a lazy one. The Sherp is here with a list of life-saving hacks for the truly lethargic.
If you’re anything like this writer here, then you’re someone who prefers slack to activity, sleep to partying and sitting to standing. And a music festival can be quite the place to rile up a lazy person; there’s far too much happening, and despite your willing passivity, you’re forced to actively partake in the festival’s activities. Of course, The Sherp recognises the love for lethargy that some people have, and it’s only for them that we have a guide. Here’s to a truly lethargic festival experience.
Get there too early, or too late
The bane of any festival is the long line at the entry. Far too many people queuing up to get their festival bands and get in. If you’re someone that would rather roll naked on a bed of warm grass than stand in a line, then The Sherp advises that you get to a festival ground a little too early, or a little too late. Doing the former will leave you with nothing to do for several hours until the festival starts (which, you may not have a problem with); and doing the latter, will have you miss a few acts (the fresh new ones, anyway), but you’ll skip the lines like a pro.
Friend with a car
Just do a little preliminary work before the festival actually begins and find yourself a friend with a car; someone gracious enough to drive you down, while you sit and change the music on the stereo at ease. Trust us, a friend with a car is a blessing every lazy person deserves.
Buddy system always works
Basically, just get yourself a network of friends. Buddies all over, who wouldn’t mind lending you a helping hand. One could have the car; one could fetch you a steamy roll from the food joint while on their way to see you, and one could be just the lazy company your lethargic self needs. Two lazy people make better company than one lazy person.
On the grass, at the very end
As a lazy person, you have to make a few sacrifices. Standing right in front of the stage, a few feet away from your favourite artist, is one of them. If standing, and headbanging are two physical activities you would rather avoid, choose yourself a spot on the nice, lush coat of grass, right at the end; where the music is just right, and the crowd the very least. And then, just sit back.
Maybe, close to the bar
You might want to choose this seat as close to the bar as possible. Because if there is anything that will get you to move your butt, it’s probably the smell of sweet alcohol?
Not the kind that you will acquire eventually; but there exists an actual beer belly, that can be worn to hold alcohol, while you can drink your juices with a straw, as opposed to actually holding the alcohol bottle. In addition to helping you sneak in some alcohol, the beer belly actually decreases the effort you put in by quite the margin.
If you’re someone who’d like to avoid packing a bag for the festival, but would also want to avoid the effort of carrying one and actually looking after it, this all-in-one Bauxbax jacket is for you. As you store your things, sleep and protect yourself from the cold at the same time, you will feel like having lucked out real good.
An all-in-one mat
A mat that triples up as a recliner while the gig is on, a nice mattress to sleep on, and a cell phone charger? It’s the one true festival hack your lazy self needs. This one take-along will enable all your languorous, snoozy times.
Grab a quick siesta
Speaking of a mattress, as the one true king or queen of lazy, all you need is a quick festival nap. When the festival’s on with an artist you don’t mind missing, sneak up to the campsite to grab a quick, uninterrupted nap, so no one really disturbs you. Make sure you don’t walk away with anything that isn’t yours though.
Or be this guy!
This, would just be enough.