Newborns in the town of Castrillo de Murcia staged a blaring protest following the ever popular El Colacho festival in which men dressed as devils jump over them!
All over the world, Catholic babies are baptized by gently submerging them in water for a few seconds and it’s done. BUT. Spain being the award holder for the most bizarre festivals, lays down fresh babies on a mattress and make men dressed as the devil himself jump over them. Phew. Talk about being crazy. This ritual although never approved by church officials, still happens every year in July and needless to say the babies haven’t revolted. Until now.
The ritual of jumping over babies started in 1620, as this was believed to bless the newborns and remove any sins. Who needs age-old, medically approved vaccinations when you can get purified in one single leap, right?
The devils have also been a menace. They make their way to the main area by whipping the bystanders with small ropes and generally scaring everyone. A bystander we spoke to said “I was here to see the devil jump over infants, instead the devil whipped me on my butt”. Talk about karma! The small village of Castrillo de Murcia is a small village with only 500 people, but by the Sunday of El Colacho, parents and tourists flock to the village to take part and witness this weird festivity. Parents were overheard saying “We don’t believe in Western medicine. We would rather put our babies at risk of some stranger trampling them, rather than possibly curing them of Polio or Hep B“. Wow, that is some strong faith!
The festival which began almost 400 years ago, started to make the babies realize the importance of their value to the festival. As if the practice itself wasn’t absurd enough, babies took to the streets to protest for better insurance coverage and rights for their lives. The United Babies Association leader, Jr. Gomez who is 8 months old had the whole thing planned out. He has been the voice for these souls since he can remember. Not surprisingly enough, he has a strong arsenal of toddlers at hand too. Armed with very amateurishly made posters and pictures, they took to the streets or rather; crawled on the streets voicing their opinions by loudly bawling at the top of their voices.
When approached for a statement, the reporters were apparently met with a bunch of goo-goo’s and ga-ga’s. But luckily. There was an expert baby-talk translator at hand. Jr. Gomez was reported saying-“We have been alive for literally less than a year and these stupid people want to put us at risk by making men in ridiculous costumes jump over us. We’d rather be dunked in a tub of water than being insulted like this. We are demanding for better insurance coverage and rights”. The United Babies Association also started a trending hashtag- #AllBabiesMatter. They have also petitioned for better diaper sponsorship if the event continues in the years to come. Genius!
The onlookers at the festival seemed to be having the time of their lives. “What’s more to ask for? Babies, devils and booze! Hell yeah!”- said a bystander. After the jumping event is concluded, the babies are showered in rose petals to mark the end of the procession and the baptism. That’s like making someone walk through fire and then asking them if they burnt their feet!
The babies have started to make their mark on the outright insanity that the people of Castrillo de Murcia call a festival and a right of passage. They hope to garner more votes for their movement and hopefully put an end to this life-risking event. Let’s hope the toddlers get what they want, or they might just throw a tantrum! For real.
(DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A SATIRICAL PIECE (obviously). Every Friday, The Sherp will post an over-the-top satire piece on anything in the festival world. We do not mean any disrespect to anyone mentioned in this article and all further satire pieces. Thank you for your attention.)