‘But bro, how do you have fun bro?’
Music festivals are known for the mixed crowd that you find. Weird, random, kind, lame or quirky, there is someone for everyone. But if you are one of those sober brave souls who dare to venture into these rave hotspots determined to stick to your guns, we totally and completely get it. It’s not easy. Here are some of the things that every sober person at a music festival has heard or witnessed. We got you, fam.
1. Con : You are almost immediately tagged as boring.
Hey my idea of fun might not be the same as yours but y u gotta be so rude?
2. Con : Always, always being the designated driver.
It is just naturally assumed that you’re going to be up for driving your friends and three other random strangers to a lame after party that you don’t want to go to. But then, you are the only one who can. The struggle is real.
3. Pro : Getting first row tickets to your friends’ drunken antics. And recording them.
Staying sober means you get to witness the pretty quick descent of these rational individuals into loud and ditzy teenagers. With minimum sense of social conduct. One would be a fool to not get that on tape.
4. Con : You feel like the mom of the group as you happen to be the only responsible one.
You’re always the one making sure that no one’s left behind, or the one holding your childhood friend’s hair back while she pukes, or the one ends up taking care of everyone’s wallets. You have done it all. Throw in a dirty diaper and it’s like the sweet, sweet joy of motherhood.
5. Pro : Explaining their ‘random’ injuries to them the next day. Because they don’t remember anything.
‘No, you got THIS one after trying 4 times to unsuccessfully jump on the stage and THAT one from the mosh pit. And this one is…okay I give up.’ Even you can lose track sometimes. Might as well cackle at their misery
6. Con : Dealing with the look of utter surprise when you mutter those dreaded words ‘I don’t drink’.
It’s like you just said you like eating babies for breakfast or something. Yes, okay, maybe I don’t see the point of getting shit-faced only to regret it the next day.
7. Pro and Con : You almost always have to learn to enjoy the gigs alone because your inebriated squad is not known for their ability to patiently attend one performance. At a time.
The amount of time you spend looking for your friends during a festival is directly proportional to how badly you want to watch the act you’re probably going to miss. Just when you think everyone’s finally together and you can totally enjoy the band you have been waiting ages to see, poof! someone’s disappeared. As if festivals weren’t confusing enough, looking for your drunk peeps amongst the crowd is totally not how you imagined this would be. But hey, at least you can get some peace and quiet when you need to, and blame it on getting lost if you’re friends ask.
8. Pro : You have all that extra money to spend on fooood!
While your friends are busy spending a bomb on stale beer, you can pig out the delicious food offered at the local stalls. Sorry but you would take cheesy fries over bitter alcohol any day.
9. Pro : Speaking of which, you might be the only one there eating like a normal person. Everyone around you is probably slaving out to their munchies.
You are going to be the first person they ask for food recommendations when the munchies hit. And the foodie in you doesn’t mind either. Watching your friends consume unearthly amounts of food in is oddly satisfying.
10. Con : Politely declining any kind of intoxicants. For the 79th time.
It’s like, they keep hoping that if they offer it to you enough times, you will suddenly realize what you are missing out on and join the boozy wagon. Err, no. Not really.
11. Pro : But the best part? You remember each and every moment because you had the best time of your life.
Because there is just something about attending a music festival that can do wonders to a person’s soul. Brilliant music, amazing company and some great chill vibes, what more does one need?