From retro porn to life-threatening pretzels, these true stories are as unbelievably crazy as it gets.
Festivals, especially music festivals– the ever-growing offspring of popular culture– are essentially opportunities to step out of your sense of normal self and do things you otherwise wouldn’t. Big crowds, intoxicants and a sense of adventure go a long way to make an ordinary person experience the depths of crazy. The Sherp came across a goldmine of hilarious festival/concert experiences on Reddit and just had to share them with you lovely folk. Warning: This may be a tad unsafe for work.
1. This ancient method of humiliation.
“Someone got tarred and feathered at the hippie festival. What blew my mind was two years later when I’m hanging out at a friend’s place in Anchorage talking to his roommate. He told me a story about how he had tarred and feathered a guy a couple years back at the Trapper Creek Bluegrass Festival. Only I wasn’t the one who brought it up. Small world.”
2. This poor vomit-faced bouncer.
“I was at a concert once where a number of rambunctious individuals chose to climb up on pile of large speakers off to the side of the stage, and then play king of the hill from the top. One bouncer noticed and started ripping them off one by one. He eventually got to one shirtless guy who he grabbed by the leg. As if it was a natural defense mechanism, the shirtless man immediately turned and projectile vomited directly into the bouncers face. The bouncer lifted his hands to shield himself, which caused him to fall back into the crowd, crushing those he had just torn down from the speakers. The shirtless man then ascended back to the summit of the speakers and pounded his chest like a triumphant gorilla.”
3. The horror.
4. This utter genius.
“My sister was at this music festival she met this one guy trying to get drunk quickly by pouring alcohol into his eyes. He was screaming in pain the whole time.”
5. How pretzels can ruin lives.
“It’s Escape from Wonderland 2012, and I’ve never done molly before (or since.) I have a strong no-stimulants rule, but decided that I could make a reasonable exception for this festival. Well we make it in no problem, ingest the stuff, go about our night. Nothing hitting yet. Standing in line with a friend while she gets booze, and I suddenly get hit with a strike of adventure. Leave to buy pretzel.
So I’m kinda vibing on the way to the pretzel stand. I’m seriously shooting gun-fingers and smiles and compliments at the strangers passing by; I feel great. Get the pretzel. Try to eat the pretzel. Realize suddenly that my entire digestive system is on lock down. No big – I’ll just eat the pretzel throughout the night.
My hand has got this pretzel crushed in a vice grip for safe keeping, and I’ll take a tiny bite every so often. So eventually I’m in a tent and I’m dancing, I’m hopping around, it’s great. I see a girl who’s looking hilariously tripped out, and I figure hey, maybe I can share some happy. So I bounce on over. But I’m bouncing up and down and trying to shout kind things at her, and as it turns out, my mouth is all clogged full of pretzel. I keep jumping as the pretzel slides and lodges in my throat. I’m choking now. Pretty badly. Keep jumping and trying to shout as the girl stares at me. Eventually, the pretzel dislodges and I just spit half-chewed pretzel at this girl who is minding her own business. I was still hoppin’ though, and decided it’d be worse to stay than to leave. I left before she could react – I may have elicited a weak “wooo” as I bounced off to enhance the idea of me just being some fucked up stranger.”
6. This brave crowd-surfer.
“Bonnaroo. My friend and I were at a Mac DeMarco show just chilling when some naked crowd-surfer, obviously high af on something, comes crashing to the ground, landing on her back. Everyone just sort of stood around her without knowing what to do for what felt like an eternity. Not sure if she actually passed out, but after about thirty seconds, she hopped to her feet and resumed enjoying the music like nothing happened.”
7. This honest confession.
8. This absurdity.
“I went to a small burn festival once where they handed out retro porn while you stood in line to buy your ticket. And in the middle of the campgrounds was a screen that had porn projected on it all weekend, and the porn got stranger in nature as the fest went on.”
9. Relatable to germaphobes.
“At Coachella. I was on acid and I just got myself a Popsicle (buying one took a lot of courage) and another guy who was tripping on some other drug came up to me and without asking leaned in and took a giant bite out of my Popsicle. Not nsfw but it felt like I got raped.”
10. This group activity.
“I have been at Roskilde Festival in Denmark for the past 5 years. I’ve seen a lot of shit. The one that comes to mind, is a couple of people I was passing by on a hill down to my camping area. There was a man and a lady in their mid-twenties having sex fully exposed, and 3-4 people around them applauding. “COME ON! YOU CAN DO IT! GO FASTER, FASTER, FASTER!!!” while clapping their hands. I laughed my ass off.”
(Please note: All of these stories have been curated from Reddit and the credibility of each story lies with the individual who posted them. If you have posted any of the stories above, do let us know and we will provide credit where it is due.)