Getting a marriage terminated is oftentimes connected to finding another love. If it wouldn’t be that way, the marriages wouldn’t have been broken due to infidelity. However, it doesn’t mean that you can’t find someone new during the process of divorce and start dating them. Meeting your true soulmate may happen anytime in any place, so being open to new acquaintances is quite normal in divorce. But what should you do if you have kids who are affected by your break-up with their other parent? How to start dating while divorce is pending and should you do it at all? Read our tips to find out how to avoid insulting your children by finding a new boyfriend too soon.
Do: admit the fact you’re dating someone
The first step to getting a new happy personal life is understanding that you’re seeing someone not because you’re “just friends” but due to the desire to have a romantic partner by your side. It’s okay to long for someone’s attention while going through marriage dissolution. However, you shouldn’t lie to yourself and hide that you are really seeking such a kind of bond.
Don’t: rush to introduce your new boyfriend to your kids
When you’re certain about dating a new boyfriend who gets you butterflies in your stomach, you still should be able to think clearly and understand that it’s not the time for them to meet your children. Divorce is quite painful for kids who love their parents: their usual life is shattered now, so shocking them with a new boyfriend you just met won’t be worth it.
Do: spend time with your kids
Being close to your children is a task you have to perform regularly and put special effort into while getting divorced. At this moment, your child may feel abandoned or forgotten: you are busy filing the papers for divorce and meeting your attorney, and have no time to have a walk with your kid and ask them about their day. Don’t do this. Find time in your schedule to have fun together, and your children will appreciate that a lot.
Don’t: forget about everything but your new partner
Dating before divorce is final may feel like you’re alive again and it’s the only positive thing you can currently have in life. Thus, you can start dedicating too much time to your new boyfriend and other spheres of your life will be neglected. This can lead to lowering your performance results at your job, detaching from your friends, failing your authority towards your children, etc. Why would you risk it like that during a divorce?
Do: keep track of your divorce process
Whatever exciting your relationship may be, don’t let it grab all your attention and forget that you have tasks to do regarding your marriage dissolution. Have a separate calendar for your divorce deadlines or use the one for your job tasks: any means that is convenient for you will work.
In case you conduct an online divorce NY without the attorney’s help, pay special attention to the stages of the process and follow the timeline regulated by your state laws.
Don’t: miss hearings or important deadlines due to dates
Even if you have been waiting to see your new boyfriend for days or weeks due to a busy schedule, don’t try to fit your dates into hours meant for divorce matters. After all, it’s more important to finish the process that you started than to try to build a new relationship right away.
Do: remember about your priorities
To not screw your personal life, income, and mental health, be sure that your priorities and values don’t shift with the appearance of a new person in your social circle. You have to put yourself on top of your priorities – that is, take care of yourself, manage all your responsibilities timely, and dedicate time to people who make you feel better. Therefore, remember to work out regularly, eat healthily, complete your divorce forms and submit them to the court, participate in your children’s lives, etc.
Don’t: make your dating public
Although a new partner may blow your mind, all your Facebook friends don’t need to know it. They shouldn’t know anything about your divorce either, so be sure to avoid those topics on your social media feed. The smartest thing you can do is stay away from posting every step during the whole procedure of marriage dissolution, including fighting with your spouse in comments to your posts. However, if you can’t live without adding content to your Instagram stories daily, never mention the personal life issues there. Ignoring this topic will save you from embarrassment and potential negative outcomes for your divorce.
Do: think twice before opening up to a new partner soon
Living under constant stress and being unable to have sex with the person you’re used to may cause you to open up to a new partner too easily. Is it really what you should do if you’re divorcing? Probably not. Dating during divorce with children may save you mentally but you shouldn’t cross the line too early to avoid unrealistic expectations and too many emotions. Take your time to meet new people and don’t rush to get to know them well before you proceed to intimate relationships. Enjoy the communication, do sports or any other activity together that makes you happy and enjoy life.
Don’t: get pregnant
In case you decide to take your acquaintance with someone to the next level and have sex, remember about birth control. Getting pregnant from either your soon-to-be-ex or a new partner is not a good idea at all for a few reasons.
First of all, it will put additional financial pressure on you. You’ll have to arrange your work and savings with the potential baby expenditures in mind. Second, you’ll have to identify who’s the father of your new baby after their birth. This is for the court to take into account when deciding on child support you can get. Third, being pregnant will complicate the whole divorce process since a judge has to make sure the rights of an unborn child aren’t violated in any way. Therefore, your case will be postponed until you give birth. As you can see, it’s better to avoid pregnancy until you finish a divorce.