Sorry for being the proverbial Scrooge, but the 45 year old mammoth of festival is not exactly the easiest to get through. Hereβs why
1. Mud over here, mud over there, mud in my underwear.
Ok, we can all agree Glaston is pretty much the mother of all summer festivals. Armed with a line-up that leaves you spoiled for choice, you are guaranteed a never-before-experience of a lifetime. Unfortunately this experience entails you to clump around in mud – a by-product of the infamous British rain. The famous βGlasto Mudβ as they call it will be there regardless of a sunny forecast, effectively ruining any fancy costume you have on. So unless, youβre a mud-fish or a slug, this festival can wear you down. Quite literally.
Protip : Wear rubber boots. Bring five to a 100 extra pairs.
2. Itβs a music festival with ermβ¦.too much music?
Okay, this is probably one of the oddest things to complain aboutβ¦.but music clashing IS a general concern among many Glastonbury attendees. With a line up that massiveΒ there is bound to be some truly unfair clashes. For example last yearΒ Arcade Fire, Skrillex AND M.I.A permormedΒ on the same day at approximately the same time on three different stages. Cue tears & heartbreak. Also, Foo Fighters just pulled out of the line-up.
Protip : Kill yourself.
3. Those ‘Free Hugs’ people just need toβ¦stop.
Free hugs be damned, you know they just want to cop a feel.
Protip : Carry a sign saying ‘free tazing’.
4. The toilets.
175000 odd people drinking cider and beer for 5 days can only result in overflowing toilets, lengthy queuesΒ and the aromatic smell of human faeces within a 500 metre radius of the portaloos. (Although last year the organisers spent 60000 pounds on stink free toilets, so lets hope for the best?)
Protip : Starve and dehydrate yourself. That way, youβll never have to go.
5. Why does your beer cost so much?
You can either lug a carton of Heineken around with you or buy beer from stalls that rob you blind. Once again a hard decision must be made.
Protip : Give up alcohol.
6. The Camping.
Protip : Find a tree. Climb said tree. Sleep.
7. Holy Hell, it’s massive!
Prepare yourself for some brisk walking if you want to catch your favourite acts on time. Β Look out for the creeps, drunken teenagers and mud-pits that come your way.
Protip : Run, Forrest, Run!
Sarcasm aside and despite everything, if you do manage to attend Glastonbury 2015 don’t forget you’re at one of the most iconic music festivals of your generation and the performances you witness will go down in rock ‘n’ roll history. Brave the storm. Trek up to Stone circle and watch a sunset.
Welcome to the time of your life.
